WHOM is hiring for the position of sniveling crony with no skills who exists entirely to say shit like “YES, your beastliness” and be kind of gay coded for no reason
ditto, i was born for this.
-poor motor coordination, so i slam into stuff and drop things a LOT
-absentminded. absolutely guaranteed i’ll forget to feed the pirannahs, recapture the crocodiles, secure any and all important levers, maintain the trap doors, or know where the jail keys are, even and especially if i’ve got the jail keys on my belt at the time
-VERY bad with children. cannot overstate how easily the prepubescent demographic can kick my ass.
-i look chunky and awkward in black. and all colors, actually.
-got a lot of silly little personal hobbies and interests that occupy most of my time and attention. if we need a humorous cut-away moment i will absolutely be there polishing my modest collection of effeminate trinkets.
-don’t have novelty boxers yet but im willing to buy some
-high, nasal voice, not in the least heterosexual or appealing
-WILL have an uncomfortable crush on you regardless of gender or species or aliveness status. if you’re nothing more than a monstrous heap of bones and malice i will literally die for you in a state of abject horniness. you haven’t seen servile until you’ve seen how i get around unfathomable conglomerations of monstrous form and power etc.
oh to be a small mouse in a pastoral children’s novel who lives in a hollowed out tree stump and does nothing but collect dewdrops and sweep their doorstep with a feather
and carve one strawberry into slices like it’s a ham
age gaps aren’t inherently bad between adults, but they are incredibly suspect in instances where one party has significantly more agency and experience due to their age. a thirty year old dating a forty year old, for instance, isn’t all that big a deal. but an eighteen year old should be VERY suspicious of a thirty year old wanting to get with them. they’ve had twelve years to establish themselves as an adult. an eighteen year old has had maybe a few months to do so.
i’m saying this as a person who briefly dated a thirty year old at age 19 (it wasn’t good lol), and also as a person with happily married parents who have a 12 year age gap. the difference is that my mom was in her thirties when she met my dad; she’d had plenty of time to find a career and a name for herself in the world.
stay safe, love urself, try to make good decisions but don’t beat yourself up if you’ve ever been the victim of an unbalanced or abusive relationship
I need yall to understand that healthy 30 year olds look at 19-year-olds and see kids. Not in a demeaning way – but in a way that automatically removes that 19-year-old from romantic consideration. And even if you “look very mature for your age,” a healthy 30 year old will learn you are 19 and back out of that crush at 90 mph no matter how good your contour game is.
anyone else remember being a child and seeing the very neat handwriting of other little girls and somehow knowing that you were a different genre of person than they were
literally no…i remember seeing bad handwriting & thinking “oh these other kids must be orphans or something”
fascinating to hear from the other genre, thanks for your contribution
